Communicating occurs with ourselves, and of course with others. Both are important but self-communication drives how you show up – how you are Being. As Zig Ziglar has said, “You are the most influential person you will talk to all day!” This flows through to what you do, including your communication with others. Our internal dialogue consists of the thoughts we have, and the meaning we ascribe to the thoughts. Do you have a persistent voice going on in your head?
Much of your self-talk is automatic and sub-conscious. It’s like someone is chattering away to you, something Zen Buddhists call Monkey Mind. It might be recalling something hurtful that happened last week, explaining the negative reaction from someone you are talking to (are you listening to them or your monkey mind?), or telling you what can go wrong in your next event or interaction with someone. A lot of the time, monkey mind is caused by your thoughts objecting to what’s happening.
This can be broken down into ABC:
A is for “Activating Event”. That is, something happens.
B is for “Beliefs”. Your monkey mind starts interpreting what’s happening based on your beliefs.
C is for “Consequences”. As a consequence of the thoughts that you’re having about what just happened, you feel certain emotions.
“You are the most influential person you will talk to all day!”
Zuber Hack to Tame the Monkey Mind
1. The first step is being aware of what’s happening
2. If there is negative self-talk, simply acknowledge it
3. Question the beliefs that the monkey mind is relying on in order to reach the conclusions that it’s communicating to you. “is it true that everything always has to go my way all the time?”
4. Tell yourself your own positive story. Reframed, it might be that you have prepared well, and that even if you make mistakes – everyone does
5. The consequences are not life and death. Perhaps they will be disappointing at worst?
6. Take and breath and be open to the possibility of doing really well
Tell Your Own Story
We all have a story. Experiences that have shaped us and mean something to us. Even if we were able to have the same story as someone else (which we don’t as we are all unique) we interpret what has happened to us in different ways based on our frame of reference. Ultimately, we invent our own stories as everything in life is “made up”, in other words a creation, an interpretation. This is seen in the way we see things. The way we measure things. The way we compete. The way we judge ourselves.
Understanding that you are able to control the meaning you ascribe to historic events, relationships, experiences and so on, is a critical step towards personal accountability. You have complete control over how you wish to tell your story. If it’s all created, then you might as well choose the perspective or frame that provides you with the greatest
possibility and invent a way of viewing life that benefits yourself and others.